Thursday, January 26, 2012

Not Guilty

Lately I have had this constant feeling of guilt following me around, it is stuck in my gut and head. No I did not rob a bank or mug an old lady. What I having been feeling guilty about is much more complicated (but probably less exciting)than that.
I feel guilty because I can only provide for one persons needs at a time. I feel guilty because I only have two hands and one brain. I don't know how to be everything and do everything for, my boys, my husband and myself all at the same time. I've decided that guilt over things that I will never have control over, like how many hands I have is ridiculousness, and I plan to rid myself of it immediately.

How is it that I'm going to do that you ask ? 

First and foremost I'm going to remind myself everyday, that I am only one person. Second I am going to prioritize, who needs what, and who's needs are the most urgent. I also plan to use my instincts, you know as a Mom when your child really needs or even really wants their Mommy. I am going to try to learn that my guilt is not getting them or myself anything we need, it is just taking up room in an already overcrowded brain. I am going to live by my theory that usually the one you least want to spend time with, is the one who needs your time the most, usually when they are  whinier  or more clingy than usual and they are acting out, they need my attention. As much as I don't like whining or clingeness (in fact they are probably two of my least favorite things) I know that coming from children or people in general who are not generally that way,it means something. It means I need your attention, and if you give me just a bit it will probably make our lives allot easier, and way less annoying.I also plan to allow myself the peace of knowing that I am doing everything I possibly can do for them, and I know that as long as I keep putting my whole heart and my whole effort into them, I do not have to keep carrying that heavy guilty feeling around anymore. So here I go, off to teach myself a lesson (I Hope).

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