Thursday, January 19, 2012

I Do (but only if we can do it my way)

So I have talked to you about being a Mommy , and a family, but not so much about being a wife. I am most of the time fairly cofident in my ability to be a Mommy, a wife not so much,
I'm pretty new at this and I'm kinda shaky on the details. I never thought much about being a wife, I was a single Mom for a long time and was o.k. with that. Even when I realized that my relationship was headed in the marriage direction, I didn't think much about what my role in that would be. Partly because we already had a family and I didn't realize how much the role of wife and mother would differ from girlfriend and mother. People tell you that once you have that piece of paper and take those vows, it's a whole new ballgame. But I have already been friends with this man for almost 25 years and been "with" him for 3 , we already live in the same house how different could it really be.......Right ? Well turns out it is completely different and wwwaaayyy harder than being a girlfriend ! I think the hardest thing to wrap my mind around so far is how much, his decisions effect me, and mine effect him. It is definitely a huge learning processes to merge two people and two separate lives. Learning to decide things together, has been something we have struggled with for sure. At the beginning we made separate decisions , and often got angry at each other, when we had to "pay" for one another' s bad decisions . We are working on that now (learning processes) . My husband and I both grew up in very different households, neither of them bad, just different, and we both tend to think that the other one is doing things "wrong", when we are just doing things the way we were taught. We are trying to make our own household now and our own idea of what the "right" way is. Coming from being a single Mom, it was also extremely hard to let someone else make decisions for "my children", I had pounded in my head for so long that it was Joey and Me against the world and that I had to be Mommy and Daddy and that I was the only one raising him, supporting him, teaching him, so no one else had a right to come in and make decisions for him, or discipline him. This was extremely wrong of me, I wanted my husband to share the responsibilities of raising my son (which he does above and beyond), but when it came to final say, I still thought that should be all me, that was not fair to anyone involved.I love my husband more than I could have imagined loving someone else beside my children, and I would marry him and do this twenty more times if I had to, but it is most definitely one of the hardest, most humbling, self awareness raising things, I have ever done.

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